Thursday, February 2, 2012

    Thursday Thirteen: Signs You're Addicted

    Addicted to books, that is.

    That's right, I'm going there. It's time we do away with the shame, the fear, the guilt. It's time we face our addiction for what it is: a lifeline. A game changer. The foundation for everything good that we have ever experienced. My habitual (obsessive?) devotion to reading is one of the greatest things about my life. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. 

    But I know you might be.

    I see you, you closet readers. With your iPhones in your hands, thumbs flying, pretending to send text messages when you're really reading John Green's latest release. You think you're pretty sly, but as they say, you can't trick a trickster. Readers know a fellow reader when they see one. It's really easy if you know what to look for.

    13 Signs You're 
    A D D I C T E D
    to Books

    1. You can't walk past a bookstore without stepping inside. 

    If you're with non-reading friends, you'll feign a sudden and intense need for water. If the store lacks a cafe, you'll say that you're mom is making you send a book to your Great Aunt Ida for her birthday. Either way, you usually end up forgetting that you were with your friends in the first place, and they find you hunched over on the floor, 40 pages into a new release.

    2. You have used any of the following as a bookmark: 

    A receipt, a corner from the essay you wrote for that day's English class, an old envelope from a piece of mail, a dollar bill, a food wrapper, or a piece of loose change. Basically, anything to avoid dogearing a page. (Disclosure: I'm all about dogearing pages. But I know I'm in the minority on this one.)

    3. You have paid more in library fines than most people pay for a month of cable. 

    Because sometimes, two weeks just isn't enough, and you'd rather spend the money than risk losing the book.

    4. You've cancelled plans with friends to stay home and finish a book.

    What? Doesn't everybody?

    5. You could sell every one of the tables in your home, replace them all with stacks of books, and actually gain tabletop space.

    Again, I don't really understand why this is a big deal.

    6. You would break it off with someone if you learned, even after several great dates, that he doesn't own any books. 

    Of course you would. Is there even any viable alternative?

    7. When someone tells you they don't read, you automatically assume they're trying to be funny. 

    Because a) Why would anyone admit that? and b) Why would you be talking to this person in the first place if it were true?

    8. Your Goodreads To Read shelf has at least three times as many books as your Read shelf.

    And it just keeps on getting bigger by the day.

    9. You would rather eat Ramen noodles every day for a month than waste your money on real food, so you can reserve an advance copy of your favorite author's newest book before its release date.

    Far better to eat chemicals and preservatives than to have to wait to read the latest book. I mean, does no one have priorities anymore?

    10. You only buy gallon-sized purses so you won't ever be faced with the decision between carrying a book, or your wallet.

    We all know the book would win. Because it's much better to have something to read during your lunch break than something to eat.

    11. You have yelled at a loved one for interrupting you during a   
    really important part. 

    You're really in it deep if you refuse to apologize because they should have known better. 

    12.You have considered leaving your career to work in the local bookstore. More than once. 

    We know you've gone so far as to fill out the application.

    13. You have ended a friendship after learning that a person's favorite book is Twilight. 
     
    Not that there's anything wrong with Twilight. But if that's her favorite book, then, well, this just won't work out. Let's be honest now and make everything easier on ourselves.

    If you or someone you know has shown any of these signs of book addiction, there's help. As we speak, there are thousands of groups formed to help sufferers of book addiction. They go by many names, but are most often called Book Clubs. Please join your local Book Club today. You are not alone.


    Does this describe you? What are the other signs? What's the craziest thing you've done to get in some more reading time? 

    I'd love to hear them, so please share your experiences in the comments. Tell me I'm not the only addict.

    10 comments:

    Kelly said...

    Hahah ok here's one from this summer:

    I finished up a thriller at a party once ... At first people thought I was just using my phone but when people tried to talk to me and I asked them to please be quiet, I was outed and had to explain it was the last chapter and that resolution must be had.

    Lori Oster said...

    Ha! Oh, that is too good. I love it!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

    Janiera said...

    Another great article! I said "OMG Yes!" at at least five of them lol Now, the last one i've actually stopped talking to people because they kept insulting Twilight. It's ok if they don;t like it but, they know I like it so why go on and on about not liking it?
    I also have said I just can not date a man who doesn't like to read ... sad but true lol.

    Lori Oster said...

    Hey, Janiera! Thank you!

    You're right about TWILIGHT--people do go on and on about hating it, when the truth is it really grabbed a lot of people and sucked them into the story. (Including me!) It was actually the most stolen book from my classroom library when I taught HS--everyone wanted to own a copy of it! I bought so, so many copies during those years.

    Oh, a man who doesn't read is a total dealbreaker for me. Definitely. I'm with you, there!

    Liz Davis said...

    Lori, this is a really great list and so funny. I'm afraid guilty of most of them:-). You know what, when I was in primary school, I used to go the to the toilet and sit in a cubicle, reading. It was the best hiding place and no one bothered me. But of course sometimes when the air got polluted I was forced to leave lol. I can't believe I did that. The things we do for books.

    Lori Oster said...

    Liz, that is CLASSIC. I'm laughing so hard here, because you were not alone! I definitely did that, too.

    I hope I get more comments because I'm going to add all these into a master list. They're funny because they're true!

    The things we do for books, indeed.

    John Chapman said...

    Guilty as charged. You might also add 'You own bookcases with bent shelves.' I have a room full of them. Thank god for e-book readers!

    Lori Oster said...

    John--Oh, another great one. In fact, that really should be in the top ten, I say.

    My sister had a set of wall-mounted shelves in her childhood bedroom. Every so often we'd hear a thunderous crash from up there, only to find a mountain of books piled on the floor amidst chunks of torn wall. Wall-mounted shelves = not the right choice for a bibliophile.

    Amberr Meadows said...

    I am absolutely a book addict. I decided to clean my bookshelves to sell and make way for new ones, and instead, I have piles that were on the shelves and new ones are filling the shelves.

    Lori Oster said...

    Amberr--The piles, yes. I'm familiar with those. They do make nice end tables. :)

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